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Scribbled Paper: Notes on a Scandal

I had a bit of a family emergency last week that resulted in me spending several hours in New York Presbyterian Hospital instead of checking out that tree in Rockefeller Center, seeing Shrek before it leaves Broadway next month, and visiting my favorite sneaker boutiques.  (To the folks who commented on last week’s blog, my apologies.  Life happens and I didn’t have much time to engage.) As a result, I kind of have no idea what’s going on in the world.  I do know, however, that Victor and Nikki got back together (AGAIN!) after his heart transplant.  Thanks, Grandma Charlotte.

Slow news week for me, indeed.  I have nothing to say about Obama’s Nobel that I haven’t already.  Right now, I care more about the fact that I need Alex Smith to score some points tonight or Gargamel’s Revenge is out of the fantasy football playoffs.  I also don’t really care about Tiger Woods.  But between my grandma and uncle, I’ve watched so many episodes of Access Hollywood-esque shows, and read so many New York Post and internet articles aloud that I couldn’t help but start a mental list of observations/thoughts/randomness.  Call it a running diary.  Either way, it’s all I have:

– I wonder if people are so upset about Tiger Woods that they’d actually stop buying Frosted Flakes.  I imagine that those of us angry about Woods’ infidelities would actually justify boycotting a product he’s not affiliated with.  Tell you one thing, those transgressions bring new meaning to the jingle.  (Show ‘em you’re a Tiger/Show ‘em what you can do…)  Tony the Tiger should totally sue.

– If I post these observations about Tiger Woods on the black youth blog will someone notice how mildly ironic that is?

– Can we just say once and for all that outside of lying about infidelity, (compulsory) monogamy is, like, the worst thing ever?  Can the NAACP bury that?

– At this point, Tiger Woods has had more extra-marital affairs than there are days of Christmas.  Happy holidays!  That’s all I have to say about that.  There will be no maids a milking jokes here.  Move along.

– Speaking of holiday fun, by the time I left the hospital, I could name more mistresses than I could reindeer.

– I’m totally not surprised that I’ve yet to hear anything about domestic violence in all of this.  That golf club was not used to save Tiger Woods–not initially at least.  I’m just sayin’.

– Random headlines The Onion might consider:

  • Black Woman Claims to be 1_th Tiger Mistress; No One Believes Her
  • EEOC Sues Tiger Woods After Identity of Mistresses Reveal Affirmative Action Violations
  • After Woods Debacle, Asians No Longer Want to be Suffix of ‘Cablinasian’
  • Since Woods’ Crash, Black Male Participation in Golf Skyrockets
  • Elin Woods Set to Star in Upcoming Tyler Perry Movie

– I’m so glad this story made me remember Dave Chappelle.

In other words, folks, I’ve had a rough week, but I’m glad to say that my sick family member is doing much better.  Luckily, I have no endorsements to lose.  I’ll do better next week.  Go ’9ers.

(And yes, the title of this post was inspired by Little Dragon.)