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By tamara
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All Fried Everything

As if fast-food isn’t deadly enough, KFC has recently released the ultimate monument to fatness, the Double Down. This thing is a bacon-and-cheese sandwich on fried chicken that I’m certain is somehow related to the Luther Burger. The Double Down is a massive heart attack composed of two fried chicken filets slathered in “secret sauce”, enclosing two slices of cheese and two slices of bacon.

Yes, your math is correct. We’re essentially talking two chicken sandwiches without any of the fixings that normally temper the sodium content, i.e. bread, lettuce, tomatoes. None of that punk shit; get straight to the heart disease good stuff.

I have two questions for KFC, what do you have against bread? And why do you hate people? No seriously, who was the fatty genius that decided to do away with bread? But is the Double Down as terrible as it sounds?

In a word, yes. But what is sad is that the KFC Double Down isn’t the most terrible slow-death fast-food “sandwich” on the market. That distinction goes to Wendy’s Baconator Triple which sounds just about as deadly as it looks: three quarter pound “fresh never frozen” burger patties, three slices of American cheese, three layers of Applewood smoked bacon, mayo and ketchup. It’s hard to even say it without sounding fat. Back to the point, Wendy’s Triple Baconator is the equivalent of nearly two and a half Double Downs…or five regular chicken sandwiches protein-style.

Looking at the rest of the list, I’m a bit shocked and disgusted by the things that pass for acceptable food these days. Where is the FDA? How is this stuff being passed off as fit for human consumption? And again I ask, what did bread ever do to KFC?