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Rules of Engagement

Now that we have successfully gobbled our way through Thanksgiving, businesses may commence annoying us silly with a loop of Christmas songs pumping through their store speakers and a slew of emails advertising deals for Cyber Monday/Week/Month/Year/Millennium, since we are fewer than three weeks away from the big day. Although I will more than likely get my share of coal this year, I imagine that Santa will bring wonderfulness to the boys and girls who were actually good and didn’t spend their idle hours speaking ill of celebrities. And, despite the apparently dismal marriage prospects for (black) women, there will also be a number of young women who will become betrothed between now and the beginning of 2012, with numbers

spiking on December 24th, 25th and New Year’s Eve. At least, that’s what the Kay commercials say. If you or someone you know should happen to be one of those lucky women who receives a diamond engagement ring something during this holiday season, then the following message is for you:

Engagements should last no longer than two years.

This bit of advice stems directly from having seen a few episodes of the Basketball Wives franchise, and I think now, with so many women on the cusp of betrothal, is as good a time as any to issue this statement. Never before in my life had I heard of women being “engaged” for a decade or more. I can’t believe these women spit out that fact with a straight face. How can one say, “I was engaged for 9 years,” and not laugh immediately thereafter? That’s right. One should not be able to.

Ladies, if you are not married to your fiance within two years of engagement, you are not getting married. Like, ever. Seriously. Here’s a good rule of thumb: if you get engaged this holiday season, you should have a date set by St. Patrick’s Day. And that date should fall before December 31, 2013.

I know that in some cases, these kinds of engagements occur after the birth of children, and that the engagement for a wedding that very well may never come is part of a larger attempt at respectability. And I get that. But if you’ve read this blog for any amount of time, you know that I am anti-respectability. So if you and your boo’s situation is working out all right, why put a ring on it? Don’t jinx it! The divorce rate is not in your favor!

That said, I just want to get this off my chest temper expectations and provide a slight dose of reality so that women stop getting on television talking about how long they’ve been engaged. It’s ridiculous. So, if Santa happens to put an engagement ring under your Christmas tree, please recognize the expiration date. Diamonds may last forever, but engagements don’t. Plan accordingly.