really dig this post, esp. when place in conjunction w/ the entry about mary. i think a lot of folks didn’t make the connection, but this entry will compel them to. this was great.

On the other side, I think any new relationship, friendship or intimate relationship, will be an exploratory period where you detach from you home base for a while (the home base includes friends and family). If your relationships with the home base are secure, then there is some room for exploration of potential friends and romances, with the understanding that it doesn’t mean you are abandoning or avoiding the home base. If all goes well, you bring that new person to the home base once you decide if they are worth that.

I try to strike a balance in the current relationship. I need space from my friends at times, just like I need space from my boyfriend at times. I most enjoy when we all kick it though.

Case in point. I spent a year with a man who didn’t drink or curse (very religious) I came to his house one night after drinking with my girls, and I said a few expletives to him. He told me don’t you ever come back over here again with alcohol on your breath, cursing and carrying on. I stopped drinking for the entire year we were together, and stopped cursing to. I was so angry at the end of that relationship, because I had essentially changed who I was to be with him, and the relationship dind’t work out. So I believe you need to be who you are from the beginning, and don’t compromise yourself. If he can’t accept whatever habits you have that he may not like, you don’t need to be with him, period.

I want to say thank you for coming out and saying your have been ghost and know how it shapes your relationships with your girlfriends and partner.

Melanie D.,

I hear u sis, but its difficult to believe and know within in your soul you do not need a man when everything around you is telling you and at times forcing you to be with a man and to let him define your life. This is why girlfriends are so important because if you have “true blue” girlfriends they are not going to allow you to take excuse my expletive, shit.

First and foremost your reading comprehension needs a lot of work. Secondly, your thoughts and conclusions are erroneous at best. Thirdly, your male privilege is showing and perhaps this was the point of your comment to show your hegemonic hetero-BLACK male patriarchy. And if this is the case you clearly could not understand the purpose of the post.